Warning: Some of these images may be a little graphic. Nothing too bad, but you may not want to see my butt. This is my birth story to the best of my memory and by piecing together what others have told me. I'm not sure if its 100% accurate. And, this is LONG
It was 7/14/11. I was asleep and woke up to a sound of popping. It was almost like the sound that I hear when my house creeks at night. I sat up and felt wetness on the sheets. I knew my water had broke. I looked at the clock to make sure I knew exactly when it happened and it was 9:15am. I called Nate and said "My water broke!" He said "should i come home from work?" I screamed "of course!!" But i was calm and proceeded to give him a grocery list of things that i thought that i would need including coconut water to stay hydrated. Then, I called my doula and told her that my water had broke. She said "are you having contractions?" I paused to feel if I was, realized I wasn't, and replied accordingly. She said "call me when you are in real labor."
I decided if I was going to have a baby that I should take a shower, wash my hair, and shave. I was facebooking, texting people, and talking calmly to Nate after my shower. I went down stairs to make breakfast (eggs and toast). I still wasn't having any contractions and I was feeling confident. Nate got home about 10:30am and I had been having a few contractions. At 11am, I decided to go and take a bath to see if the contractions would stop since they seemed very light. When in the bath, the contractions let up quite a bit to almost nothing. Nate was in constant contact with the doula who kept saying to "call when i was in REAL labor." The last time I remember looking at the clock was around 11:30am, when i got out of the bath, and my contractions were intense the moment i stepped out of the water.
Most of the rest of this story is a blur and is information I have pieced together or was told. I remember pacing around my down stairs and kitchen area stopping every few seconds to breathe. Nate wanted to time my contractions but they were not regular. At this time they were so intense that I couldn't really speak at all so when they would get really bad I would tap on the wall or counter or his arm. When they were less bad I would tap again. But, they never went away. I'm not sure when but at some point I was asking for the birthing tub. Nate was in contact with the doula so he handled getting the tub to the house. I remember sitting in my down stairs bathroom, backwards on the toilet, with a pillow on the tank, in the dark for much of the early afternoon. I also remember throwing up my breakfast- TWICE. At some point (I think about 1pm) the lady with the birthing tub arrived.
The woman setting up the tub happened to be my midwives assistant. I heard her asking Nate a bunch of questions about my status but they were whispering so I don't know what they were saying. She began attempting to time my contractions (which were still all over the place and constant). I think at that point she called my midwife and told her to come over. The tub took FOREVER to fill up. I kept asking when it would be done and I just wanted some relief. I think I also asked Nate to get me Tylenol a few times to take the edge off. I couldn't really talk even though i was thinking in complete sentences. I just couldn't manage to get the words out of my mouth. I did alot of grunting and pointing.
My entire down stairs had been prepared with all types of pain management items: massagers, oils, lotions, relaxing smells, candles, etc. I wanted NONE of it! Nate couldn't even apply any pressure to me anywhere and nothing could touch my lower back. All that soothed me was gently stroking with fingers across my back but not on my lower back and this positive affirmations track that i played on repeat all day long. Nate later told me that every time that track would start up again everyone in the room would groan because they were sick of hearing the same thing over and over again. I wanted to lay down and rest SO BAD but I was unable to lay down without screaming. So, i paced the living room, leaned up against the kitchen counter, rested with my arms on the bed (that we had down stairs) and my knees on the ground (kind of like being on all 4's) or sat backwards on the toilet in the dark. 
When the pool was done being filled (i have no idea what time but before the midwife and doula arrived so between 1pm and 2pm) I was so excited for relief. Except when I got in it was too hot and I had to get right out. Nate and the pool lady (I cant remember her name) began getting coolers and buckets to put cold water in the tub but I would freak out every time Nate would leave my side. So the pool lady was stuck trying to cool the pool down by herself. I guess they got the water temp as low as they could safely have it for the baby and told me it was OK to get in. But, when i got in it was still too hot. I layed in the pool for a little bit while they put cooled rags on my head and neck. It did provide pain relief and was SO relaxing to be weightless. Contractions seemed to stop while i was in the pool. But, it was just too damn hot and I had to get out after a few minutes. It was back to being on all 4's resting on the bed or backwards toilet sitting.
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| I love how the midwife looks bored here. |
I remember thinking and even asking Nate a few times "when do i get to be in REAL labor?" I thought that someone would tell me when this "real" labor that my doula told me about on the phone earlier that morning would start. No one ever announced "OK- NOW you're official!" I thought that I was still in early labor especially since it wasn't that late in the day and since there wasn't really any "pain" but alot of pressure. I figured that it would get worse when "real" labor started and I was ready for it. I remember saying a few times "I just want this to stop so I can rest. I'm so tired" because my contractions didn't have a resting time in between them. My labor was one REALLY long contraction for several hours. I also remember saying "its just SO much pressure in my back!" But i don't remember feeling back pain per se. Just alot of intense pressure. I also remember saying (quite often) "I cant do this anymore. I'm so tired." But I didn't want to go to the hospital or take any drugs. I just wanted 10 minutes contraction free to lay down and take a nap. During my birthing class I remember them telling us that there was a few minutes in between contractions so that the laboring mother could take a nap. I eagerly awaited those few minutes. Mine never came. Nate was wonderful and would say "you ARE doing it. You CAN do it. Just a little more." Just complaining about the situation made me feel better, honestly. I didn't really want anyone to do anything but just listen to me bitch.
At some point, (i think about 3pm), I started grunting and bearing down. The midwife asked me something along the lines of "do you fell like you are pushing?" and I wasn't sure. She said "does it hurt when you push on the contractions?" I said "no. I feel like I need to." So, she told me to go ahead and push. The doula put the fetal Doppler on me to check the baby's heartbeat. I remember that it was the most painful experience of my life. I do not know why it hurt but it did. She barely pressed on my stomach; just laid the Doppler on the top. But, I screamed "get that damn thing off of me!" Unfortunately, they kept putting that Doppler on me every few minutes and I would scream at them every time. I didn't understand why they kept monitoring the baby. They also kept asking me to move here and go there and lay this way or that way. I ended up back in the tub for a while but it again got too hot. Eventually, they put oxygen on me. That was probably around 4pm.
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| You can see the oxygen cord coming down my back. |
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| You can see my doula holding the Doppler. |
The midwife asked me if I was set on having the baby in the tub. Since I was barely in the tub, I told her no. I felt like she was asking me this because it was getting close. I was pushing and pushing and they would say "good push!" She told Nate "you can see the outline of the baby here" (pointing at my back) which I thought was odd but I wasn't worried. I thought any minute now I would feel that ring of fire or for my midwife to tell Nate to come down and see the baby. But, instead she kept making me moving and change positions and checking the heartbeat and making me breathe in the oxygen I was on. I was fighting her tooth and nail because everything she was asking me to do was uncomfortable. I screamed at her a few times. There was one point where she said "I have to check you" and I said "NO!" She told me that it was no longer an option and that she was in charge right now. She made me get on my back and she checked to see how dilated I was. I just screamed and screamed. I don't remember her checking me to be painful but laying flat on my back hurt like hell. She said that I was completely dilated but there was a small part of my cervix that was in the way. She moved it in hopes that it was the culprit. I pushed and pushed and pushed some more. Nate, my doula and the midwife kept whispering to each other.
At around 6pm my midwife said "its time to go to the hospital." I didn't understand that there was a problem or any danger. I was in a labor zone and just kept breathing and pushing. My midwife told me to try and stop pushing until we get to the hospital but it was impossible to not push. I got dressed in my labor hospital gown and got into Nate's car in the back seat with the doula. The only way I was comfy was sitting on all 4's with my knees on the floor and my elbows on the seat. With every contraction I would push and my doula would say "stop pushing." I didn't know why I couldn't push but I couldn't stop my body from doing it no matter how many times she told me. Before we left, Nate had asked the pool lady to lock the bottom lock on the front door. We had no time to pack a bag, lock the house up, take care of the animals, etc. I told Nate "if i have to go to the hospital, I want an epidural when I get there" and he agreed. I think he knew it was more serious than I realized.
I could barely walk from the car to entrance in the hospital. My midwife met us there and got me a wheel chair. I couldn't sit down right though because of the intense pressure in my bottom so I had to do a sideways sitting. The midwife had called ahead and given them all of my info so we bypassed the check in process. We went straight into a room where the nurses were able to do their procedures (hook me up to IV, check my dilation etc). I asked for an epidural. I figured if I wasn't able to have the home birth like i wanted then i was getting the pain meds. The nurses would ask me questions, but my midwife was there answering them for me (thank goodness because I couldn't answer anything. I couldn't do anything but nod yes or no since about 1pm). They gave me medication to stop my contractions. Again, I wasn't sure why or what was going on. I trusted my midwife and the medical staff to care for me however they needed to. I didn't ask many questions.
When the epidural man came in I asked for a PCE (patient controlled epidural). He said that they would give me plenty of epidural so I shouldn't worry. I advised him that I didn't want alot of medication because I have a fear of not being able to move my legs. I wanted the PCE so that I could administer the epidural only when the pain was too intense. He agreed even though it was not standard procedure. The epidural didn't hurt at all. I didn't feel any intense pressure in my back or even any needle prick at all. And, as soon as he said it was in, I felt no more contractions. Although, the contractions had diminished some anyway due to the medication they had given me to stop them.
Dr. Harter arrived and checked me. At this point, it was about 8 or 8:30pm. I asked "am I dilated?" I think I still hadn't realized that I was ready to have the baby. I guess I was thinking that I wasn't dilating or something which is why the baby wasn't coming. But the midwife answered that I had been dilated for a while and Dr Harter confirmed that I was fully dilated. He said that he could see and feel the baby's head easily. He was mentioned something about a vacuum to get the baby out and I declined. He attempted to maneuver the baby. I heard him say "the heart rate is dropping!" and the midwife replied that it had been happening for a while with every contraction. Dr. Harter and the midwife were side by side in the room watching the monitors. Someone said something about the heart rate being 80 and "we need to get this baby out now!" I was ready to push him out. I said "I don't want an episiotomy, just so you know." However, vaginal birth wasn't the plan.
Again, more blur about what happened and how. I don't remember approving surgery or even being told about it. The next thing I knew I was being wheeled through the hallway. I tried to sit up (because those hospital hallway lights are bright as hell and they hurt my eyes) but was told "don't move!" The anesthesiologist came in to the room again and was talking to Dr. Harter. He said something about why didn't Harter call for him earlier. Harter said "there wasn't any time." The anesthesiologist said "it will take me 10 minutes to numb her." Harter said "we don't have 10 minutes! Put her under!" I screamed "NO! DO NOT PUT ME TO SLEEP!!" It was at this moment that I realized something was wrong with my birth. Up until this point, I honestly didn't understand that there was a serious issue. I thought there were some minor complications. Now I knew that this was serious.
I felt pulling and tugging and pressure but it went away quickly. The numbness seemed to go all the way up to my chest. The anesthesiologist stayed by my side the entire time. I was chatting and joking with him. I started to panick because I tried to move my legs and couldn't. I said to the anesthesiologist "remember that fear I told you about in the deilvery room? How I am very afraid of not being able to move my legs? Well, I think I'm there. I really need someone to go and get my husband right now so I dont have a panick attack." He started talking to me to try and calm me down. I know now that he was stalling to avoid going to get Nate until after Jaxon was out in case there were any further complications.
Eventually, someone went and got Nate and I heard the baby cry. I dont know which came first. The baby was born at 9:05pm. 7lbs 9oz and 21 inches long. APGAR of 8/9.
He was safe and healthy. Nate was with me for a short second to tell me everything was ok and then he went to the baby. I didnt get to see the baby or hold the baby for a very long time. Nate brought the baby over to see me once but it was hard to get a good look with the bright lights and commotion. I told Dr. Harter "double stitch me so I can have a VBAC next time." Its funny how I was barking orders when I was in no position to be telling anyone how to do anything. It took the doctors almost an hour and a half to stitch me up. At about 10:30pm I was wheeled back to the delivery room. When leaving the operating room, they handed me the baby to take with me. That was the first time I was able to hold him. 
When I got back into the delivery room, my midwife and doula were still there. I was glad to see them. I felt like they didnt just abandon me but saw my delivery through to the end. Also, my mom and dad were there. I was very excited to see them and I felt so supported in that moment. Nate and I started discussing names. We went with Jaxon for the first name and were torn between Harter or Sawyer for the middle name. We ended up going with Sawyer. I asked my doula "how do i feed him?" She helped me latch Jaxon and he seemed to know what he was doing from the start. He latched without any problems ever since. My birth story is pretty crazy but I trust that the medical team (specifically my doula and midwife) knew exactly what they were doing to ensure a safe delivery. I also feel that my midwife didnt have any hidden agendas for wanting me to go to the hospital or have a c section. If he would have been able to be born vaginally, its estimated that he would have come around 3pm. My contractions didnt start until about 11:30am. It was a fast labor! It turns out that Jaxon was sunny side up (which was why they could see his outline in my back and why I didnt want anyone touching my back), crooked, and the cord was wrapped around him. With every contraction, he was trying to turn to get out but kept wrapping himself up further in the cord. It would have been impossible for him to come out vaginally with his positioning and the issue with the cord. I am grateful for the medical interventions that I received even though my entire birth plan was designed to do anything possible to avoid a c section.
